We’ve all had awful days or weeks where nothing seems to go right. We’ve all had situations when we didn’t get something we really desired and struggled to cope.
However, some people appear to be far better at picking themselves up and dusting themselves off after these situations than others. These people are not inherently ‘better’ in any sense; rather, they have established some positive habits and skills that enable them overcome disappointment and turn it into a more positive experience. In reality, they use failure to learn and progress.
This blog explores and describes some of these talents, as well as how you might build the ability to deal with failure more gracefully.
If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same..
Rudyard Kipling
Some have stated that success and failure are two sides of the same coin, such as Rudyard Kipling in his famous poem “If.”
In other words, neither is particularly important. Whatever occurs, you must get back up and move on. This approach was possibly characteristic among Victorians. They believed that it was necessary to be able to win and lose gracefully—and that showing your emotions, whether pleased or unhappy, was inappropriate.
Failure is painful, at least in the beginning, and you must accept this. Trying to suppress your emotions or divert yourself can be counterproductive in the long run. Recognize your emotions for what they are and give yourself time to ache a little.
However, don’t concentrate on it for too long.
This is also counterproductive, especially if you blame yourself. Allow a few days for the pain to subside before moving on.
One of the reasons why some people find failure so upsetting is that their identity is entwined with success.
In other words, when they fail, they regard themselves as failing rather than as experiencing a setback. Try not to think of failure or success as personal: instead, think of it as something you go through.
It has no effect on the true ‘you.’ This brings us back to Kipling’s point: success and failure are not inherent in you. ‘I am a success’ or ‘I am a failure’ should not be a part of your identity.
Sometimes our perceptions of success and failure are influenced by what other people think of us or how we believe they will assess us.
You will never be able to control what other people think. You should also never do something just to impress other people.
It is easier to accept both success and failure if you define them in your own terms and do things for the sake of achievement rather than for the sake of pleasing others.
We’ve all met people who are quick to point the finger at others or situations for their lack of achievement.
“The referee was a sceptic!”
“The teacher dislikes me, which is why my grade was so bad.”
“I wouldn’t have missed several weeks of training if I hadn’t been sick last summer.”
It is critical to recognize when other, external circumstances have had an impact on your achievement. You don’t have to — and shouldn’t try to — blame yourself for everything, especially if it’s out of your control.
It is also critical to recognize what you could have done to better the situation. Could you, for example, have trained or worked harder? Was your revision as good as it could have been? Did you truly prepare for the interview to the best of your ability?
Accept responsibility for the factors over which you have control, and resist the urge to make excuses.
Failure should not be seen as such.
Consider it life’s method of teaching you where you need to improve and how to do so. Ask yourself specifically what you could have done differently to reach a better result. Then think about how you might put that into practice to help you improve for the next time.
